Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
