you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
