Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
