The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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