Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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