I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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