alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
