Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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