check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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