man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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