I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish you could order shots online.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
