Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
