We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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