I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
