So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
