This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
