He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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