I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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