apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
