Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
