ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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