I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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