using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Even my vagina gasped.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
