There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
