my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
