I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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