I met the friendliest cop last night
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
