Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
