I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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