you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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