ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
