we have officially lost it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
