Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
