i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
