I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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