My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
well you can't waste a boner
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
