my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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