Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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