saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
