Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
