My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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