I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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