listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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