"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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