Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
