let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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