I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
And the cops told us we were all naked.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
