WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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