my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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