all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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