What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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