all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
