I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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