if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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