bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
